Generic Viagra, now THIS? Wonder if Pfizer is aware?
I’ve not included the entire job posting here, but I’ll mention that the salary range posted doesn’t mention bonuses earned – which IS a part of the total compensation package. (Pardon the pun.) My sources tell me that this position opens up every couple of months, sometimes even faster than that. Why? The “Wood for Life” concept is such a big hit worldwide that the bonuses earned by the coordinator can be in the millions of dollars! Which, if you have an imagination such as mine, you’d fully expect...
I'm no government conspiracy theorist, but...
Apparently SOMEONE doesn't like you folks subscribed to this popular cable channel...
Another thrift store visit.
Goodwill is considered a thrift store, right? At a recent visit to Durango's Goodwill, I learned something about Southwest Colorado. We apparently have enough one-legged cowboys to warrant their own footwear section.
Or maybe we just have enough thieves to prohibit Goodwill from putting out complete pairs of cowboy boots...
I'm a "Big Picture" Thinker.
In a previous post I pointed out how the addition of two little words can change the scope of an inspirational wall hanging I saw at a thrift store.
In this example, if you remove the "k" from the word 'pumpkin," I think this local motel's sign would be more eye catching and business-type appropriate.
I'll acknowledge that any "pumpin'" that goes on there is a private matter, but effective communication between couples is vital in a healthy relationship, so my suggested edit might encourage that resulting in a lower divorce rate.
Maybe we should rethink this convenience.
Fast forwarding through the commercials has become commonplace for many of us. Me too. But, while doing so, my sharp eye caught a glimpse of this scene from a promo for a new comedy, no, not instructional, series. I share this still image as a public service reminder of what we could be missing. You're most welcome.
Google Street view - Not Everyone's a Fan.
While touring downtown Durango, CO, using the Google Street View app, I came upon this undated view of an attractive young lady apparently wanting to be noticed. While the length of her dress was enough to get my attention, I'm happy to help further her goals, at least on this particular day.
Durango IS progessive, but...
Are we really ready for bathtub balconies???
First impressions are so important.
When I first saw this picture, I thought it was a modern version of a shoe for a one-legged Dutch person* who didn't know if they were coming or going. It's just a kayak for sale...
* It has no mate. C'mon, what would YOU think, smarty pants?
Glance at the red circle.
What do you see? I saw a pregnant man... It's really an "i," there to indicate the bearer has a non-obvious disability. Its placement is voluntary, there so first responders can effectively interact with the person. Though a pregnant man would most certainly be disabled. We're all crybabies anyway...
AKA Time-Out Tent
Wife too flirty with the other soccer dads? This pop-up makes a great “time-out” space for those disciplinary, must-have moments. Of course, it works for dad too! It seems kinda’ cruel that the mom pictured isn’t allowed to watch the game, though. But, as you can see by that smile on her face, this opportunistic mom has found the Time-Out Tent a to be a shady, comfy, and convenient spot to check her Ashleigh Madison account. It’s a WIN-WIN for all! At least for the time being…
For us white guys who can't dance...
I found this great product at my local Walmart! No need to drink copious amounts of alcohol any longer. Instant ability to get your groove on! And that propensity to bite your lower lip while you're on the dance floor? Gone.
Note* It's not recommended for ballroom dancing. Side effects include no later that night DUIs and the tendency to hold a pistol sideways.
Joe Camel Loses It!
After being put out to pasture many years ago, Joe finally tried to stop smoking. He's back up to a pack a day. All's well!
It's SAFETY SLINKY!
This picture shows one end of the new, rather odd-colored Slinky toy with a foam end-cap attached. Probably brought to you by the trampoline netting folks or the group that insisted Lawn Jarts were dangerous...
I Miss Jif Peanut Butter. UPDATE: It's back!
SCORE! I am an unabashed fan of Jif brand peanut butter. I cannot wait until it hits the shelves again.
Being the fan that I am, I’ve poked around and used my sources and as mentioned above, SCORE! I’ve come up with some – as yet available for public consumption – promotional spots for Jif. I learned that the original pictures’ backgrounds were digitized in some way. The images here are the raw photos.
I shouldn’t release the exact wording they used, but I’ve paraphrased the message connected with the first couple of pictures.
IMAGE # 1
When Jif returns to the shelves it will, once again, claim the “top spot” in peanut butter sales in the United States. Skippy here, much like many of the January 6th witnesses before the congressional committee, I've decided not to remain on “Team Crazy,” and volunteered for this picture. Team Crazy, in this instance, is how jars of Skippy refer to their sales folk, who believe that Skippy will remain outselling the Jif brand forever. They point to present day sales as their proof. What they’re refusing to acknowledge is that Jif isn’t available right now, so sure, they’re outselling it. Skippy, pictured here, mentioned that management close to their sales team has pointed this out repeatedly, but they refuse to accept the truth. Sound familiar?
IMAGE #2
A famous brand of grape jam has stepped up and provided its likeness in support of the return of Jif Peanut Butter. This jar of jam is quoted as saying, “There’s NO brand of peanut butter I’d rather be slathered with on a piece of bread than Jif. Zero. None.”
Above I said I "shouldn't" release the exact wording of these spots, but, as you know, there are probably pieces I've included on this website that I "shouldn't" have shared with you, gentle reader, but I did so anyway...
With that in mind, the statement made here by Jonathon Glass Jar is quite interesting, so I've included the exact transcript.
IMAGE #3
Hi. My name is Jonathon Glass Jar. As you can see, I proudly identify with the J. M. Smucker’s brand. As you may or may not know, Jif Peanut Butter was welcomed into the Smucker’s family of brands in 2001. Smucker’s is working diligently to return Jif to the shelves of your favorite store to be enjoyed by the millions of consumers who have made Jif brand peanut butter their favorite peanut butter for years.
On a personal note, you can see just how empty I feel without Jif around to enjoy.
I want to add that I am also President of the National Just Off the Vine Grape Union. All of our member grapes support Jif’s speedy return to the shelves and have voted overwhelmingly to endorse an official “Hurry back soon, Jif!” proclamation.
I think it’s important to address an issue that might question the integrity of that proclamation, and the National Just Off the Vine Grape Union itself. There have been rumors that at one time our union and organized crime were somehow linked. I categorically deny this. If you want to find such a link, I suggest you check out the Prune Unified Union, or PUU, as it’s called. It is well known that the Toilet Paper Teamsters and PUU have worked hand-in-hand for years. Just how those organizations, and any others, are linked, well, I love my family so I’ll just let this go. I’ve said too much already…
By the way, our union’s President Emeritus, Jimmy Purplefruithoffa, was scheduled to appear here today, but we’ve not been able to contact him lately. I want to pass along HIS support for the return of Jif brand peanut butter as well. Thank you.
Symbolism in advertising. I love it...
Lemme' sum this one up real quickly: Guys, if you use A** body wash you will no longer have to pleasure yourself in the shower. Nope. Use it and an attractive young lady will join you in the shower and you'll both be surfing the waves of pleasure together!
Two little words can change everything...
So I love trips to the thrift store. Here's a wall hanging meant to motivate on a scale that for many - myself certainly included - is probably impossible. But, just add a couple of words and presto-chango! Hey goals are good... Right?
A little blue humor...
On the same visit to the thrift store that brought you my thoughts on changing the world, I came upon these books and got a kick out of their arrangement on the shelf. Yummy and NO calorie dining!
Oh my goodness... I didn't even think about the book on the far right until I was writing this. I'm a very appreciative guy. Thanksgiving and Christmas? Indeed.
Coroner Gets Creative to Address Budget Shortfall.
I just couldn't wait on this... I've hidden the identity of the coroner pictured here as his program is not quite ready to launch. This picture is one to be included in an advertising campaign that will hopefully provide some much-needed extra funding for this local coroner's office. In it, the Coroner is proudly displaying his exam room and table. The table would be perfect for a buffett, or a great spot for a wedding cake to be surrounded by gifts to the bride and groom. This creative Coroner wants to rent out his facility for wedding receptions, private parties, business meetings, proms and the like. A former Chef, he plans to offer food, freshly prepared, for those who rent out the facility. He calls it, "Cuisine de la Coronairre" and believes this one service will place his facility head and shoulders above the competition. Menu items such as brains, lady fingers, weiknees, potatoes, liver, ribs, tripe, Rocky Mountain oysters, sticky buns and more will be featured.
Sometimes you just gotta' think outside the pine box. I wish him well.
Oreo THINS???
Wait. What? Oreo THINS? What's the world coming to?
Is there a creme supply chain issue? Is this another plot of Vladimir Putin's (Known affectionately on this site as "Vlad the Impaler.") schemes to bring the West to its knees?
It's kinda' like Grandma serving one Cornish Game hen to her family of twelve on Thanksgiving.
What message does this send to their Oreo Double Stufs? Thin is in? They're no longer attractive? They'll never get eaten because they're too fat?
We all know that mankind wouldn't exist without creme - in its various forms and spellings, anyway.
Bad juju if you ask me...
New Mexico Man & His Meat Busted!
FBI Special Agent-in-Charge Carmen Smith announced the arrest of a man recently after he crossed the border from Mexico with over 20 pounds of bologna hidden in his pants.
SAC Smith smiled demurely as she described the months-long undercover investigation, noting its scope took the all-female team way past the bologna, adding that there are approximately 160 million additional suspects in the U.S. that stand out - at least occassionally. She closed with the promise that each would be checked out thoroughly...
Family Means No One Gets Left Behind or Forgotten
Son: "Hey Mom! I found Grandma!"
Mom: "George, put the Will away..."
Michael Jackson. Yes or No?
That's who I see anyway...
Gone Forever. Michael...
A couple of days ago Michael was replaced by two asses. Besides myself, I'll let YOU decide who the other ass may be.
Darwin's Theory of Evolution Also Applies to Airliners!
Whoda' thunk it?
Proof Positive! Aliens Are Among Us.
And they like to get their exercise apparently. At the Chicken Creek Trailhead I spied this glove. It was obviously lost and someone had put it on the top of a post for the owner to find. Very suspicious in design, wouldn't you say? Perhaps ET had to phone home and with such a clumsy glove on his/her appendage, it was removed and accidentally lost along the trail. I can imagine the conversation, "Damn, Eileen. I must've dropped my glove when we were hiking." "Well Bill, We're halfway to Zebulon 5, we're not going back for it now."
Okay, perhaps my "proof positive aliens are among us" statement makes too many assumptions for you, gentle reader. Here's another theory... Pictured above might be a deer boot or heavy deer sock; the lost property of an affluent deer living in the area. (Of course THAT'S an assumption as well, I mean, we get lots of tourists in southwest Colorado, maybe the deer was visiting from Minnesota....) I can imagine THAT conversation too. "Crap, Bambi. I left one of my boots back on the trail." "Dammit Steve. I told you that trip to Cabella's was first of all, risky. Hunters shop there all the time. You know what happened to Bob last year - didn't make it four-legs past the edge of the parking lot. And what did I tell you? You wouldn't like wearing them anyway. Big waste of money. I wish you'd remember my royalty checks aren't what they used to be."
Label, Please...
So during a recent thrift store visit, I noticed many tubs filled with various types of protective athletic equipment. All the tubs were labeled except for the one on the left. If you look closely it seems it DID have a label at one time. Makes me wonder if it was labeled "Cups." And THAT makes me wonder how many times this was overheard: "Mommy, look at those funny cups! You'd have to drink real fast out of those. They've all got holes in them!"
Don't Try This at Walmart, Kids.
No matter how much rubbing you do on the side of this can, a stripper will NOT pop out of it. Sigh. Prolly should've known, there was no glitter laying around anywhere...
Truth in Advertising? I Think Not.
A Public Service Announcement: I work in the health care industy and know that "STAT" means, immediately, fast, right now, etc, etc. I'm on my third box of this stuff. Hasn't helped me one iota. Guys, don't waste your money!